My Report on Rats
A lot of people in Western culture don't like rats. We know this because we say things in anger like, "RATS!" or "I don't give a rat's ass!" Or we yell at people who betray us and tell them, "You're a rat fink!" But in Chinese culture rats are respected for their charm, intuition, and serious sex appeal! I was born in the Year of the Rat, which begins today, February 7th. This is my year so don't fuck it up for me, you guys.
The next time you're standing on the subway platform, waiting for a train that is delayed due to a track fire or a sick passenger, and you see a rat scampering across the third rail you should think of me and you should think twice and probably long and hard about your misconceptions of rats. Instead of a rat, maybe think of Riki Tiki Tavi. He was a hero. I know he was a mongoose, which is totally different, but when I was little I thought he was an Asian rat. That's because I don't have any prejudices against rats. Some rats spread diseases like the Black Plague and Restless Leg Syndrome, but that's not what this year is all about. Think about fancy rats, not sewer rats. Or go rent Ratatouille! I haven't seen it, but I saw the trailer and it looks really good. He stole the cheese!
Also, rats help science. And science has discovered that rats love to laugh. I just learned this today!
"Although the research was unable to prove rats have a sense of humor, it did indicate rats can laugh and express joy... Rats chirp when wrestling one another, and before receiving morphine or having sex. The sound has been interpreted as an expectation of something rewarding."[*]
I know I'm a rat because I usually can't help laughing and chirping when I'm about to dose myself with morphine or when I put on some slow jams by which to freak you.
All in all, I highly recommend rats.
In conclusion, here is some interesting footage I have put together called, And Then We Decided to Tickle Some Animals (It's Never Too Late To Study!) I hope I have helped you think differently about rats. Happy Chinese New Year!
