Sometimes No Is Just A Slow Yes
It's hard when you know your life is changing but the change is molasses slow and you're nearsighted, maybe even legally psychologically blind. You're like Mr. Magoo meets Debbie Downer meets a pre-op tranny. It also doesn't help that you will no longer get to escape into the world of aged, 80's hair band rocker Bret Michaels every Sunday (while simultaneously thanking your lucky stars you're not really part of it). It's been a tough week.
Did you know that Bret's Rock of Love on Vh1 was, like, the most watched TV show since The Beatles appeared on Ed Sullivan? Probably that's not true. But the reality dating game did have mad (secret) viewers all over the place, and only now that the finale has aired are they coming out of the closet. I'm officially coming out too. I love Love. Don't judge. Here are ten reasons why I'm going to miss the hell out of this ridiculousness.
1. Even though I know he doesn't want me to cry or freak out about it, I'm worried about Bret and what challenges he faces from his diabeetus.
2. Seeing Heather's 80s-inspired coif every week made me feel twenty years younger.
3. The elimination ceremony outfits... His elimination ceremony outfits. (I'll never forget the cattle print cloak, thanks.)
5. Every time they played clips from "Every Rose Has Its Thorn" and "Don't Need Nothin' But a Good Time," I drank.
6. You can never have enough bandannas.
7. I still cannot figure out what is going on with Bret's hair. I'm thinking bald, and bad plugs and extensions. If he had a hunk of spinach stuck in his teeth during one of his rock of romantic love dinners, I think he'd want someone to tell him. I mean, has anybody called super hair extension stylist to the stars Ken Paves?
8. Bret's quotable bits of commentary (for example, "I am as guilty as they are. We are all guilty amongst our flesh").
9. I feel like Bret and I really made a connection, but only on one level.
10. In the grand finale, when Heather tries to make Jes jealous of her night with Bret by calling attention to "his scent" on her skin, Jes says all she can smell is "rotten pussy." AND SCENE!
