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I had an Oprah dream last night. Not surprising what with all my talk of O this year. I know how fascinating it always is to listen to someone explain a dream they just had, so I'm going to share mine with you right now.

I was at the Oprah show. Before the show began one of the producers came out and stood in front of the audience and made some announcements. As he was doing this, Oprah walked across the floor behind him and over to her chair on the set. Her walk was jaunty, her facial expression sort of smug. Of course, everyone watched her move across the room and I thought, God that is so typical of her to subtly try and deflect attention away from the person who actually has the spotlight. That is so Oprah.

Oprah's guests were a white guy whose last name was Epstein and who was a writer for The Nation, and a black guy whose first name was Courtney. They were both young and cute and I would have gone out on a date with either of them. But that is beside the point because they were on the show to address a very important question from Oprah about race. I can't remember what the question was, but it was something so trite and seemed to me to be way beneath Oprah™. Whatever the question was it was straight out of mid-eighties Oprah. It was something that would have been sexy and controversial back then -- like, "Tomorrow on Oprah: Is Jungle Fever Real and DO YOU HAVE IT? Tomorrow's Oprah."

In an effort to illustrate just how racist and materialistic and vain our society is, Oprah brought out a blond model in a turquoise ski suit and said, "See, because this is what everyone is wearing." The audience agreed and Oprah said thank you and shooed away the blond.

Oprah then turned to Courtney and asked, "What do you do?" The tone of Oprah's voice implied, "You don't actually even do anything. Do you." Courtney paused, thought for a moment, and then said, "I am a candidate for the President of the United States."

And then I woke up.