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I quit smoking six months ago yesterday.

Okay, if I had to guesstimate, I've had maybe 5-10 cigarettes since the day that I quit. But I am still a quitter. I didn't enjoy those 5-10 cigarettes. Which is one of the reasons why I quit in the first place (again). When I was 17 Camel Lights were like ice cream. Or sex, even. Sometimes cigarettes were so good they were like sex! Also, back then they cost $2.10. Cheaper than sex! Because abortions are expensive.

I also quit for my health, of course. But after six months the cravings haven't gone away. If it's possible to be happy that I've actually quit (for good this time Oprah willing) and simultaneously kind of miss it, then that's exactly how I feel. I don't want this toxic remnant of the past back in my life but sometimes, if I think about it too much, I do sort of miss smoking a fag. Kind of like how I feel about my ex-boyfriend. *ZING!* What? That's what she said!

ANYWAY!

Someone gave me the Nicoderm patch because they knew I wanted to quit and the patch had worked for them. I used it for a few days until it gave me a rash and made me feel ill like I wanted to hork buckets. (Nicoburn!) I kind of get why the patch doesn't work for a lot of people. It's worse than cigarettes. You might as well keep smoking. But it worked for me somehow. Though I think it had a lot less to do with the patch than it had to do with my conviction. For the first time I really wanted to quit. And you can't quit until you really want to. Sometimes you think you want to more than you actually do.

The other good news is I didn't get fat when I quit! Okay, maybe I put on a few extra pounds. But I just stopped eating and started doing a lot more blow so it all evened out!**

** Note to potential clients, employers, and Ryan Gosling look-alike awesome future boyfriend who might be reading this: JUST KIDDING!