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Kyuti and I planned a walking tour of holiday decorations all around the city in an effort to get into the holiday spirit. We were going to start in our Brooklyn neighborhood and then head up to Macy's in midtown and then stroll up Fifth Avenue. Ten minutes into our field trip we saw the guys you see pictured here. Then we got cold and Kyuti said, "Wanna go look at shoes?"

So we tried on shoes at a nearby Payless (that's right, I said Payless) even though we had no money to buy shoes, even at Payless. I did some high kicks in the Size 7 aisle. Kyuti tried on a pair of children's tap shoes. Then we went to Target and I convinced her to buy "The Pirate Movie" on DVD for $9.99—starring Kristy MacNichol and Christopher Atkins—by saying, "It's the musical 'Pirates of Penzance' set in the 80s."

Right after that, a woman came up to us on the second floor and asked, "Excuse me? You know how the hell do I get outta here?"