bazima.com: blog

1. Tonight Kyuti and I were at MULE where I swear some hot pipe with Daniel V-ish hair wanted to make sweet love to us. Also, there were pen and ink illustrations of bunnies on the wall and Kyuti said, "Um, if a certain fictional character were here right now she would not be happy."

2. It's March now and I hadn't even finished all of my Black History Month shopping.

3. I had a dream that I was in a production of the blood-pumping Broadway hit musical Dreamgirls. I'd realized that I'd neglected to bring my costume. So I browsed through the extra dresses that were folded up on the racks backstage but found nothing that suited my character. The dresses were too big, too frumpy, too floral, too house-y. But then I found the perfect top on another rack so my quest began to find a 60s style skirt to go with the top. I kept looking through the racks but found no skirts. Only the same frumpy, floral house dresses. I was trying to keep this problem under wraps instead of asking for help. Mostly I knew that there was nothing anybody else could do.

4. My boyfriend Philip Seymour Hoffman was on The Late Show (Late Night? Late Show? Whatever) with David Letterman a couple of nights ago and he spoke of his friendship with Amy Sedaris. Like all of us, Letterman is fascinated by Amy Sedaris. He asked PS Hoffman (I call him PS [as in "PS I love you!]) what it was like to hang out with her. PS Hoffman said, "Well, we play a lot of games," and he gave a for instance. This one time he was at Amy's apartment and she told him to close his eyes and she was going to do something and he had to try and guess what she was doing. He closed his eyes and heard Amy fluttering around the apartment in her strappy clickety-clacketies. She flitted from the bathroom to the bedroom and back again, opening doors and shutting doors, click-clack, click-clack, click-clack! She opened the apartment door, walked out and shut it behind her. Then she burst back in ran into the bedroom, and then ran back out of the apartment. She came in again and said, "Okay! What was I doing?" PS Hoffman uncovered his eyes and said, "Um, I'm not sure...?" And Amy said, "I was being a nervous girl getting ready for a date!" I love that story.

5. Have you seen this commercial for the Daily News Scratch 'N' Match Millions? There hasn't been a commercial this good since the early 80s and also since that one car commercial with the guy who played Buster on Arrested Development sitting in a parking lot lip-syncing "Mr. Roboto" by Styx. In this commercial a black be-dreadlocked woman is working the register at a food store. As she rings up the grocery items belonging to a tall, mute white woman she comments on each item she swipes: "OVERPRICED. OVERPRICED. TWO DOLLARS LESS AT THE STORE ACROSS THE STREET! OVERPRICED. RIPPIN' YA OFF! EXPIRED! EXPIRED!...". Do you know what I'm talking about? Watch for it. It's fucking awesome.

6. I was all premenstrual last week as evidenced by the red cyclops that attached itself to my forehead in the middle of the night and also by the excessive flatulence. When Aunt Flo arrived all she wanted to do was download songs from the Harold and Maude soundtrack, eat Chef Boyardee mini-ravioli and watch the Game Show network. Just a little something you might not know about me.

7. Last night was dinner at Fanelli with D and G. Our waitress was a girl I met this past summer at a wicked awesome wedding in San Francisco. Except for the bride she had the best dress in the house. She is an acquaintance of my former beau. "Sit wherever you want," she said abruptly as I settled in at a table. I said her name like a question. "Yeah?" she replied, as if to say who the hell wants to know? "I'm Blaise... I met you at the wedding... David and--" "Oh. Yeah. I didn't even recognize you. I was blotto that whole weekend." Then she turned on her heels and walked away. When we finished eating D asked, "Should I give her a bad tip?" Also, D declared, "Xanex is the new X. Or E."

8. On a random page in my notebook I found the following:

Why you shouldn't have crushes on celebs ---> Showalter ---> Chloe

a. Though it was obviously me who wrote this, I have no idea what it means
b. Above that I inexplicably wrote: Julia Louis Dreyfuss
c. Who is Chloe?

9. Later tonight, when we'd left MULE and gone to Gorilla because that's how we do, Kyuti said, "Bronson Pinchot is FINE." Obviously, she said this because I had mentioned that Bronson Pinchot would probably be the person that Parker Stevenson would want to have sex with if no one else would ever find out.

10. The other night I locked myself out of my building for a couple of hours. I went to a nearby bookstore and a man sat down next to me. He was my age, normal looking, save for the impossible-to-notice eyebrows that protruded from his forehead like a sun visor. He was reading a travel writing anthology edited by Jamaica Kincaid. Kincaid's husband was a faculty member at my college and their son Harold (a fellow high-yellow) was in the kindergarten class at the Early Childhood Center where I taught on the days that I wasn't hungover. Anyway, back to Sasquatch. There is no way a person--even a man--could look in the mirror every day and not be moved to trim those ponytails hovering over his eyelashes. He took out a bottle of prescription pills and downed two big blue ones with a sip from a bottle of Fiji water. I wondered if the meds were for the excessive hair growth or if the pills were the cause. ...That's all. I don't really have a punchline. I'm just sharing.