Before the get-rich-quick-scheming hacks break into the highly coveted info in my $30 Nokia cell phone, I thought I'd post the latest archived text messages. (Remember when I did this the last time? It was a huge hit with all the kids.) Enjoy. Disseminate. Touch yourself.


Bartender just told me my med-well filet will b 'bright pink thru the center.'

Um, just read about a ghost hunt at a local penitentiary. $50-includes pizza & a movie.

She wishes.

jiei k BUTTERFLY

Omg, this is the best playlist ever: no more lies? Hello, your nose is growing, pinocchio.

Sqeukeieuiewdye

Square biz!!

Nutcracker asscracker moonraker goldfinger.

Just walking kitty, be over forthwith.

It's cooling!

Where you at? Ishtar?

Can I bring u anything?

Also, i keep thinking about yr new dance.

I stole the TV!

I can't even call you! I'm at the Hellmouth!

I'm gunta f myself

Heading 4 the red-eye, girl. No sleep til Brooklyn.

I an dead

ONJ roller skating realness

Come over if u want, PRETTY EYES

I want yr asscake.

Molly Shannon getting in a cab 5 ft in front of me just now w shopping bags.

At Staples. Do u want wite gray or ivory?

R U coming back here?

I'll take that as a no.

I'm so horny (0)(0) 8---> (;)

DATELINE KEY FOOD. Pk Slope Dyke trying 2 pick me up in banana section.

Did we ever talk about the fact that there's a town here called WATCHUNG?!?!?!!

L'chaim!

Shut the fuck up!! Will you take your top off with me???!!!

You're TAKING PICTURES!

You like butter on the muffin?

Vaguely.

previously:
Nobody touch Erich's toilet paper!

next:
7 Minutes in Heaven with Bazima and Dan Rhatigan: Ultrasparky Designer Extraordinaire