bazima.com: blog

Not only is she the First Lady of 7 Minutes in Heaven with Bazima, but she is the kind of girl you hope to meet at some random house party in the East Village because you know she's the one you'll be sharing far too many toasts and mind erasers with before the night is over and you'll walk away at 4AM with a detailed, plausible outline for getting into the Golden Globes wearing a vintage Valentino dress with Gael Garcia Bernal by your side.

Sarah Brown emailed me her half of the 7 minutes bargain and wrote, "I just re-read this and realized my answers make me sound like all I do is drink and make out, which is misleading because I also read a lot." This is exactly why we've named her the Party Girl for the Smart Set. (Actually my boyfriend came up with that one. Isn't he awesome? It's weird.) In addition, Sarah Brown is a pretty decent speller, loves presidential biographies, and has better sex than you do. FYI.

Blaise K: Can you please explain why the drumming solo at the beginning of Van Halen's "Hot For Teacher" is so fucking hot?

Sarah Brown: The drumming solo at the beginning of "Hot For Teacher" is that guy with the safety-pinned jean jacket and leather and mesh and velcro fingerless BMX gloves who sweet-talks you into skipping fifth hour to make out behind the chain link backstop. You can't say no to that guy.

Blaise K: How would you describe your website, Que Sera Sera?
Sarah Brown: One time I saw some half-hour filler thing on HBO that was a behind the scenes of the movie Tommy Boy, and David Spade was describing Chris Farley's brand of humor. He said, "He's funny. Not like funny ha-ha, but like funny ohh. Ohhhh. Oh, that's so sad." This was before Chris Farley died. I think that about sums me up.

BK: What story can you tell us from the last best party you went to?
SB: I went to a party a few weeks ago where this really drunk guy kept trying to drink out of my drink at the same time I was, and then putting his mouth really close to mine while he'd lean in and say in this low voice, "If I didn't have a girlfriend..." He just kept saying that, over and over again, never finishing the sentence. First of all, all hat and no cattle: WHAT if you didn't have a girlfriend? But secondly, I had to wonder what part of his brain thought that saying that to me was going to work out to his benefit, because he really obviously thought it that it was somehow going to work out to his benefit. Do you want to know a secret, though? If he hadn't had a girlfriend, and he hadn't kept saying that, I totally would have been into him, because he was super smart, albeit really drunk.

BK: What's your favorite cursive letter?

SB: Uppercase, H or L. Lowercase, p or s.

BK: The front page of your site features hands that have the words READ and WEEP written on them. You've also been known to post fun photos of you and your friends with 4-letter words written on knuckles everywhere. What's this tradition all about? Alcohol?
SB: Like all good traditions, it began with alcohol. Alcohol and the fact that I'll write on most anything. One time I wrote a love letter on the back of a Happy Thanksgiving card my mom sent me. I've been known to hang on to old J. Crew catalogs just because I like the way that paper feels under a UniBall pen. Have you ever written on someone's skin with a Sharpie? It feels sort of like that. Also, for that moment that you're writing on them, that person is totally your bitch. They know it, and you know it, and no one says it, but everyone likes it.

BK: What's your least favorite thing about New York?
SB: Mexican food in New York is seriously for crap. Oklahoma shared a border with Texas, so we were swimming in good Mexican food. I didn't realize until I moved away how often I ate it, and I have yet to find anywhere here that's satisfying. It's either faux Mexican like Taco Bell (which everyone pronounces like it's all one word that rhymes with "Pachelbel" - what the fuck is that about?) and you find a roach in it, or they try to fancy it up and charge you $20 for an enchilada. The best Mexican food place back home was called El Rio Verde, and it was next to an abandoned field by the highway, and on Saturday nights the owner and his brother the cook would come out of the kitchen with guitars and lead everyone in mariachi songs, and they sold Mexican Pepsi that made your heart beat in double time. All for under $12. If someone took me out for Mexican food in New York that left my heart fluttering, I'd love that person forever.

BK: Pretend that there are 78 billion people reading Bazima.com right now. What's the 7th and final question you want me to ask and what's the answer?
SB: Man, whatever it is, I hope my answer causes all those 78 billion people to hoist me onto their shoulders and cheer and then good-naturedly dump a cooler of water over my head, and then it turns into a wet T-shirt contest and I win the wet T-shirt contest, and then somebody gives me a book deal and a basset hound puppy.

Sarah Brown's written for McSweeney's, The Morning News, The Plug, and Me Head. She doesn't kid around about cockroaches in burritos.