{bazima.com}

Is it Monday again, babies? Mama awoke on the wrong side of the biscuit this morning, but we'll repress those bad feelings in order to fulfill your needs, and to make you happy. Actually, this is very exciting. Today we're launching a brand new feature here at Bazima.com, so grab a delicious cup of Sanka, fire up a Virginia Slim, put on that Earth, Wind & Fire CD, and let me tell you about it.

Remember the game "7 Minutes in Heaven?" Not unlike "Spin The Bottle," the sole purpose of "7 Minutes in Heaven" was to force puberty-crazed children to "get to know each other." Quickly. While everyone watched. Similarly, 7 Minutes in Heaven With Bazima encourages discovery between people -- beautiful people -- through seven random questions often inspired by the importance of community building, networking, free promotion, self-interest, ass-kissing, invitations to more parties, and a vodka-cranberry with a lime twist.

Without further ado, I give you the very first installment of 7 Minutes in Heaven with Bazima...

I'd been hearing stories about Marc Williams for what seemed like years. He has a starry reputation and when I finally met him last spring, this handsome jet-setting artist, graphic designer, and East Village queen certainly lived up to my expectations. He has impeccable taste in clothing and accessories. He accompanied me to a Trailer Trash party last summer dressed as a pre-op tranny Hooters Girl. His voice sounds like James Earl Jones if James Earl Jones was white and had a southern accent. He brakes for unicorns and enjoys asking how much things cost at the $1 store. What's not to love?

Blaise K: So you were the most popular artist at a recent GLAAD Auction (The Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation),if not elsewhere. Tell us about it. What happened?
Marc Williams: I wouldn't say that I was the most popular artist, but my piece certainly did get a lot of attention. It's a portrait of George W. Bush. The image is made up of over 10,000 penises - think: mosaic of dicks. It's titled "Dickhead." Quite amazing if I do say so myself. It sold for more than the Patrick McMullin's piece of a hooker with a boner.

BK: Marc, we've become fast friends and I love you. Readers would like to know: What did you think when you first met me?
MW: My first thought was, "Who the fuck is that hot, fun chick." Now I just see you as a chick...

BK: You've lived all over, including in Japan. Did you see the episode of "America's Next Top Model" in which the girls were flown to Tokyo and had to do a Campbell's soup commercial in Japanese?
MW: NOOOOO. I didn't. I wish that I had. I have boycotted ANTM because Tyra is wearing me out - not on the runway, like getting on my nerves. I dabbled in modeling in Tokyo (basically anyone can do it, the only requirement is that you are foreign). It was VERY funny. A lot like the scene in "Lost in Translation" where Bill Murray is doing the Wiskey commercial. She [Sofia Coppola] did an amazing job describing Japan, without being elitist / xenophobic.

BK: Okay. Say something in Japanese. And then tell us what you said.
MW: "Oi, okama! Ore no chinko, shabure daro!" = Hey faggot, suck my cock.

BK: Marc, you are a man of stories and zingers. Can you tell us either your favorite joke or your best story ever?
MW: How about both?

Favorite joke:

Marc: Why do women wear perfume and make-up?

Blaise: I don't know Marc, Why?

Marc: Because they're ugly and they stink.

Favorite story:

When I was 7, my middle and second to last toes on my right foot were bitten off by a barracuda off the coast of Belize. They were reattached. They occasionally hurt when it rains. (The story is actually quite long and funny, but since I only get 7 minutes...)

BK: You just moved in to a new apartment. I haven't been, though you and your roommate Erich have invited me over several times. Unfortunately, on those occasions I'd taken to my bed with some whiskey and hot cider and a parcel from Netflix. Anyway, I've heard that the place is

fabulous. How big is it?

MW: You can skate in it.

BK: What do you hope to accomplish in the next five years?
MW: I will be in the Whitney Biennial before I am 40 and I want a Gallery represent me. East side, Represent!

To learn more about Marc Williams donate to this site or just go to The Phoenix on $1 beer night.