Girls On Girls
One of the teen girls on the subway -- we'll call her Janet -- was wearing real Chanel earrings and gently swiping a strand of perfect Jennifer Aniston hair out of her friend's face. The friend we'll call Lisa. Janet was in an all pink outfit, workout pants and a sweatshirt but the kind that you don't actually work out in. Lisa was wearing similar pants but in white, and a babydoll Baby Phat brand T-Shirt.
They were discussing Janet's love life. "See, I think Derek likes you," Lisa was saying, "But I think that Josh really likes you." I eavesdropped shamelessly. Their discussion was cookie cutter teen talk about which boy called or didn't call, the confidence that deserving all of their male peers' attention went without saying, trying to figure out which boy made more sense to give it up to based primarily on the accessories he came with (car, expensive cell phone with camera, etc. ...)
I couldn't help but think that in a couple of years Janet and Lisa will hate each other. One of them would probably try to steal the other's man or talk shit behind the other's back.
Cynical, I know.
But I have a theory about women. It's hard for most women to really like other women because we always view each other as the competition, be it career wise or hot guyness related. Most of us are easily intimidated by one another. (This is why I both loved and loathed "Sex and The City." It portrayed women's friendships in a way that made me happy but was totally unrealistic. I guess that's why it was TV...or, HBO, rather.) As a result, we align ourselves with men instead of investing our ya-yas in the sisterhood. We're so afraid of losing the mens that we're willing to make enemies of one another or simply abandon our girlfriendships for male affection. Sometimes it just happens, other times it's a choice. One of my girlfriends is notorious for abandonment at parties and bars when there are hot guys around, so I never go to bars with her anymore. (Am I, then, doing the same thing -- giving her up for guys?)
Most of my friends are men. Though people have said that I'm intimidating, I'm actually often the one who feels intimidated. Maybe I just hide it well. I saw someone at a soiree recently. I met her through mutual friends and had invited her to a couple of parties in the past. Since then her career has really taken off. Now every time I see her at get-togethers, she doesn't acknowledge me, even as we stand among the same crowd. That alone is intimidating, though I know I shouldn't let it get to me. I do think that it takes less energy to say hello than it does to be a bitch. As one who used to lean towards bitchiness, I should know. So next time I see her I'm going to make a point of saying hi. I'll be sure to get right up in her face when I say it, too. Nervously.
For two years during high school I had a big time relationship with a musician. He was the singer in a band that played out a lot and had a large following. One of their biggest fans was Maureen, an old friend of the drummer. Maureen made it known that she wanted my boyfriend. She was bold in her pursuit of him. I hated her for it but I decided to take the high road. Since we would always be at the same gigs and going to many of the same parties, I decided to be nothing but nice to her. She ignored me. She treated me as though I was the one macking on her boyfriend.
I'm also becoming more convinced that when we ladies fret over what to wear, we're not so concerned about how we'll look for the men. We're actually dressing for other women. We want to wear something that looks as good if not better than what other women are wearing. We check each other out on the street from head to toe. We either want your shoes or hate you for having them.
Maybe I'm just projecting. Anyway, none of this is to say that all women are incapable of forging real friendships. Of course that's not the case. Look at Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie! Look at Madonna and Sandra Bernhard Rosie O'Donnell Debi Mazar fill-in-the-blank!
