{bazima.com}

Dear Bazima,

I went out with this great woman last night (first date, saw lots of action) and I want to be sure that it isn't a one night stand. I hate one night stands. How can I be sure that she wants to see me again and what's the rule for the length of time one is supposed to wait to pick up the phone and call?

Yours,

Not Afraid of Commitment

Dear Not Afraid,

Congratulations on seeing some action. I hope it was four stars. Consider the good news: you had a great first date. The bad news is you can never be sure a hot hayroll isn't just a one night stand unless you've both pledged your undying love (or lust, at least) to one another outside the bedroom. And even then, there are a lot of creeps and hussies out there, so someone who says "we should do this again" or "I'll call you" could be full of shit.

It's funny you should bring this up. It reminds me of the date I had recently with Super GT. It was our first meeting, we signed off on the Big Business deal, and I haven't followed up since. He expressed the desire to get together again and suggested we hang out under less intoxicated circumstances, offering up a treat to a candlelit dinner at Lupa. I wasn't feeling compelled to make another date with him. It was a fun night, but sometimes it's better when that's all it is. As far as I was concerned, I was willing to leave a titillating moment alone.

Anyway, just today, he sent me this email:

So I can't really tell if you're blowing me off. It doesn't happen to me often. Not to sound like that, but it's true. I'm usually the blower offer. Anyway, if you want to hang out again, maybe next weekend, let me know. Otherwise, I'll stop bugging you. For some reason, I can't seem to get you out of my mind. True, your image is blurry, but...i'd like another chance.

You know, in my experience, dating in New York is potentially hazardous to one's karma. Sometimes I waver between rejecting someone (which I am terrible at doing) and being a total "blower offer" (usually the path of least resistance, but therein lies the bad karma). I haven't exactly tried to blow off Super GT, I just haven't responded (karma=1 demerit). It's hard to know the difference sometimes when you're on the receiving (or not receiving) end of that. In my own passive-aggressive way, I think I was secretly hoping he would chalk our date up to a one night stand too by not calling me again or trying to make plans for a second date and then I wouldn't have to be the bad guy (2 demerits).

I guess I'll give him "another chance" because he probably deserves one. Clearly, my karma in this case could use it. We'll see how it goes and maybe I'll find I was wrong. Maybe contrary to my instincts, which are often pretty on point, I will actually like him. If not, I'll have to break it down and say that I'm just not interested in dating him. It would be completely unfair at that point not to. Besides, that's got to be like, at least 3 karma points. I've never tried this, but I wonder how the use of The Rejection Line affects one's karma...

Wait...I'm sorry. This isn't about me, is it? What was the question?

In your case, Not Afraid, one date is a bit too soon to try and predict how this woman feels. But if you call, you'll see.

As far as when to call, perhaps you've rented "Swingers" one too many times. There are no two-week rules and those that think there are and play that game are totally clueless in my book. If you said you were going to call then you should and if you want to phone her the next day because you had a great time and want to tell her so, then do it. Follow your heart. Or your loins. Whichever.

Oh. Lastly? If you call her and get no response and don't know whether or not that means she's blowing you off, come back here and read about SuperGT again.