Lord Of The Pole Dance
My Gay Boyfriend (neither gay nor my boyfriend): How was your date last night? Did you get laid?
Shming: Did you take him home? Did he go home with you?
Me: Um, no. I wasn't really into him.
My Gay Boyfriend: Hm. I bet he was into you.
Me: I made out with him a little bit.
Shming: Oh god.
MGB: Why? You didn't like him.
Me: I was drunk.
MGB: Fair enough.
Shming: Wait. So, why didn't you like him?
Me: Well, for one thing? He knows no good music. None.
MGB: Hm.
Shming: That's a problem.
Me: We were at a bar that has a jukebox that was voted best in the city and he didn't know one song that was played.
Shming: Does he listen to Dave Matthews?
Me: Probably. But also? When "I Wanna be Sedated" came on I said, "you know who does this one though, right?" and at first he pretended like he knew...?
Shming: Like he said he did, but then he didn't?
Me: Yeah. He said he did and then I asked him who it was and he said, "is this the 'Take a Walk on the Wild Side' guy?"
Shming: Um, okay. Buh-bye.
MGB: *smirk*
Me: But also? It gets worse. I knew that he was some sort of competitive athlete, like in his spare time? And that he does a lot of travelling? I thought he was like a pro snowboarder or something.
Shming: Oh no...
Me: Yeah. It's bad. He does these ...Scottish highlander things or something...?
Shming: What? Are you kidding me?
MGB: Highlander? Wasn't that a TV show?
Shming: Is this guy in Riverdance?
MGB: Is he Michael Flatley, Lord of the Rings? LOTR?
Me: That's Lord of the Dance.
MGB: Oh. ...LOTD!
Shming: Wait. Does he do Medieval Manor? Does he do Renaissance Faires? Is he a court jester in historical re-enactments in Union Square?
Me: Um, he wears a kilt and throws a big log?
Shming and MGB [simultaneously]: You are kidding me.
